Part of a series with Rowan University’s Wellness Center, this collaboration aims to educate students about personal well-being options. For further updates, follow @rowanuwellness on social.
Meet Jessica Hassell, a second-year Higher Education Administration track graduate student who wrote this article to start a discussion about toxic friendships. She shares,
“I hope that this article will help Rowan University students become more conscious about how they are treated by others and whether or not they like that treatment.”
Why Friend Group Dynamics Matter in College
College students tend to not think much about the health of their relationships. When building friend groups, individuals can find themselves displaying patterns of behaviors that may or may not reflect their values.
Friend groups are social relationships that have complex dynamics, where everyone plays a role. There are some friends who play positive roles that help keep the group active and engaging. These friends act as the initiator; the one that always suggests something fun to do, or the consensus tester who checks to see how everyone feels about the next course of action (Benne, 1948). However, there are also friends who are aggressors who dominate, degrade or distract others to get what they want out of the group. It is important for young people to be able to recognize toxic friendships that can negatively impact their wellbeing.
Awareness of Traits of Toxic Friends
There is minimal research on toxic friendships, but research does show a multitude of tactics that toxic individuals use to control others. Some of these tactics include being passive-aggressive to make the victim change without having an open dialogue, never apologizing when they overstep boundaries, and even holding grudges and using past favors or mistakes to guilt the victim into changing their behaviors (“Types of Abuse – Loveisrespect,” 2017). It is helpful for every person in a social circle to think about how these relationships make them feel and evaluate which members of that friend group make them feel empowered and disempowered.
Recognizing Abuse in Friendships
Often, it is easier for young people to recognize abuse in intimate partnerships than in their immediate social circles. Commonly referenced in literature surrounding domestic abuse is the Power and Control wheel developed by the Domestic Abuse and Intervention Project in Duluth Minnesota (“Power and Control Wheels,” 2017). It details eight methods of power and control: coercion/threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, obfuscation, economic abuse, using children and using male privilege. While some elements of the Power and Control wheel may only apply to heteronormative intimate partnerships, others can be applied to all relationships.
Although many college friend groups may not have to worry about physical abuse or children, issues surrounding digital abuse, financial abuse, and emotional/verbal abuse can cause anxiety and be signs of toxic friendship.
Digital Abuse
Many people have online access and digital abuse means using online means to take away an individual’s autonomy. It can include directly or indirectly putting someone down in status, spreading rumors online or video recording someone without their consent.
Financial Abuse
Regarding financial abuse, it can include someone watching over another friend’s finances. By one friend asking for money repeatedly or another friend using money to hold power over another person’s actions, or a friend making another feel guilty about their purchases — these are ways of controlling others.
Emotional & Verbal Abuse
Even exerting emotional/verbal abuse can manifest itself in friend groups as individuals within the group tell members what to do or who to talk to, name-call and allow individuals to be degraded, or even those that make any member feel like their feelings are unimportant (“Types of Abuse – Loveisrespect,” 2017). Once an individual recognizes these toxic behaviors, they can speak out or exit.
Conclusion
College is full opportunities. If an individual finds themselves in a toxic friend group, it’s simple to create distance between oneself and the unhealthy relationship to find new friends elsewhere. Others might choose to use this time to practice their communication skills and attempt to confront the behaviors that make them feel controlled and powerless. No matter the choice, everyone should consider the role that they play in their friend group, take time to consider the health of their social circle and the impact that these relationships are having on their wellbeing.
Story by:
Jessica Hassell, second-year higher education administration graduate student, Wellness Center intern
Photography by:
Alyssa Bauer, senior public relations major
References
Benne, Kenneth D, and Sheats, Paul. “Functional Roles of Group Members.” Journal of Social Issues. 4.2 (1948): 41–49. Web.
“Power and Control Wheels.” Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs, 2017, https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/.
“Types of Abuse – Loveisrespect.” Loveisrespect.org, National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2017, https://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/.
Additional Student Wellness Stories
Keep reading student wellness stories to learn how Rowan Profs support their mental, physical and emotional well-being. Through Rowan Thrive, Rowan University provides a comprehensive framework designed to help students live in alignment with their values and cultivate resilience across six core areas of well-being.
Internship & Experiential Learning Stories
Learn how Rowan Profs go Beyond the Classroom to grow professionally, as well as personally, through internships and other experiential learning. Experiential learning includes hands-on learning opportunities provided through research, student clubs, campus leadership, student worker jobs, service-learning projects and volunteerism. In addition, Rowan’s Office of Career & Professional Development provides career support that’s more than just advice – it’s events, connections and real guidance to help students thrive after college.
About Rowan University
Since its founding in 1923, Rowan University has evolved from a teacher preparation college to a public research institution ranked among the top 100 in the nation by U.S. News & World Report. Rowan University offers bachelor’s through doctoral degrees and professional certificates in person and online to nearly 25,000 students through its main campus in Glassboro and its eight other locations in southern New Jersey. Rowan focuses on practical research at the intersection of health care, engineering, science and business, while ensuring excellence in undergraduate education. The University has earned national recognition for innovation; commitment to high-quality, affordable education; and the development of public-private partnerships. A Carnegie-classified R2 (high research activity) institution, Rowan is the fastest-growing public research university in the Northeast and among the nation’s top 10 fastest-growing, as reported by The Chronicle of Higher Education. In 2025, Rowan opened New Jersey’s only veterinary school and is one of only two universities in the nation to offer M.D. , D.O. and D.V.M. medical degrees.